I am Tired. I am not supermom, and this IS hard.
I am now three weeks into this course and the material is heavier than I expected, being away from my kids is harder than expected, and being on my feet most of the day walking from class to class and participating in the physical classes while on top of my workout routine, is Hard. I went from four years of waking when the kids woke me, and getting out of the house when I felt like it (most days) to getting up to an alarm, getting us all fed and dressed and out the door by about 9am, finding classes, staircases, so so many staircases. If I have a long break between classes I go to the gym, if I don’t I spend the day in classes, pick up my kids, come home, make supper (because I am determined that my families nutrition will not be sacrificed by my choice to be outside of the home) bath, spend what is now precious time just Being with them until bed time, read a story, give cuddles. If I didn’t go to the gym I then go for a 7k run. Then I try to do the reading I should be doing but I’m finding evening is not a good time to get things to sink in, and go to bed. Repeat. On wednesdays I am done by 12:30 and my plan is to do something with them on that afternoon, park, playdate, playcenter. It’s my one weekday where I can feel like I’m still a SAHM and I hope to make the most of it. Saturday is a completely free day where none of us have to be anywhere, but my kids arn’t big on that so I will hopefully make the most of that day also.
On top of the huge switch in how my days have gone I have also dealt with my street being completely gutted, the first two weeks there was a huge hole in front of my house, making it so the car had to be parked half a block away. Making it so that in the morning if my husband wasn’t awake yet that I walked half a block carrying two kids (because I’m paranoid of the hole and the equipment) a back pack and a diaper bag. Then drop them off, something that is getting easier every day, and then heading to a school where I cannot find any parking! Oh and have I mentioned the construction on almost every main street I need to go down? The last two days I missed 3 classes because the kids were sick. I was also sick the days before they got it but I just ignored it, no time for that, more vitamins! I really felt like things have been stacked up against me.
I wouldn’t change it, and I’ve enjoyed it. Hard does not mean impossible. A few friends have asked me how it was going, saying they wanted to see how I was doing before they made the decision for themselves, I feel like that’s been a theme for my life this past year and a half and knowing people are paying attention to what you are doing and how you are doing does give me a push I don’t think I could replicate through other means, and I appreciate it.
I Love my course, I Love being back in school. I am glad that it’s taken me this long to find what I want to do as a career and don’t feel “to old” at all, it feels like the perfect time. As far as life goes I (and you) am so young and have so much living to do, and pursuing something that I am passionate about and can make a career out of is such a gift, I feel so blessed to have the opportunity to struggle and start building something. We filled out a sheet that asked what we wanted to do with our Fitness and Health education and I wrote something like “I want to inspire people to live better.”
If I hadn’t taken the time to start living better a year in a half ago I’m not sure I would be able to keep up to this life now, taking this course sooner was really never an option, I had to start with me. Starting is the hard part.