I have to admit, I quickly slip out of the know of what is going on in media. We don’t have cable, I only have 215 friends on Facebook and most of them are relatives or fellow moms. I give twitter a half asses attempt every 6 months and besides scrolling through it occasionally just don’t really care for it. My phone no longer has enough memory to use instagram, and I just recovered the password after not caring that I forgot it that long ago. About a year ago I started hearing about how having a “thigh gap” was a thing, about 10lbs ago I looked in the mirror and said, cool, I almost have one of those, now my thighs won’t chafe when I wear a dress on a hot day! I saw the backlash about how “thigh gaps weren’t healthy or possible for most women” and wondered what the big deal was, I’m not that skinny and mine barely touch, why all the hate? Until yesterday I had no idea that thigh gap does not mean standing with feet positioned hip width apart, NO! You are supposed to have this gap with your KNEES TOUCHING! So I googled, and pinterest came up, ( I loathe pinterest) and I was appalled to see all these pictures you can “pin” to your wall to aspire to so so skinny that when you touch your knees together your vag still catches a breeze. I don’t understand. I get wanting to look good, I get wanting to be in good shape, I get not wanting blisters on the inners of my thighs because I just want to wear a summer dress without apparatus underneath to protect me from the fiery pain of my thighs loving up against each other. But when you lose so much weight just to get one part of your body to do ONE certain thing because it’s in style? What about all the other good things you are giving up, like breasts (real breasts) like hips, curves. Cushioning between your organs, hormonal balance. FOOD! How can this be worth it? I have hear many times that society keeps encouraging women to keep making ourselves smaller and smaller, in body, in voice, in personality, that we should take up as little space as we can in the world and by doing so we increase how attractive we are. Ugh. I have an offbeat mindset on my own beauty, so a lot of the time I don’t look at a photo of a woman and start adding up the ways in which she is supposedly better than me, for whatever reason I only match up what I Do have, I look at an image and instead of seeing her thigh gap or whatever I don’t have and I see blue eyes like mine and think “I’m glad blue eyes are appreciated for their beauty, I love mine!” Because of this I have a bad habit of not noticing how skewed the image of beauty in that the photo could be, and I feel like if I was more aware of it I would be angry about it. I get lovely comments about my weight loss, and I appreciate them. Sometimes I get comments cloaked as a compliment that have a weighty insult lying under the surface. Comments that refer to me as something “more” now. That I must “feel” so much better about myself now. I respond to that with “yes I’m a lot more comfortable now, carrying extra weight isn’t comfortable, and I usually am met with silence because that’s not what they meant, they meant “you must feel so much less ashamed of your body now”, But I never was, and I had a 2x bikini that I wore frequently at my heaviest to state that. I have always seen myself just as good, as sexy and attractive as I am now, so when I get comments like that that say how much my looks have improved although I get that it is a compliment something always twists inside of me with sadness that says “they never really saw Me before”.
Off track as usual, I beg you all to set reasonable goals and recognize healthy vs a standard dictated by media that doesn’t make sense. If it doesn’t increase your health and your quality of life steer clear of it. Try to look at the imagery that the media throws out, and even if you look nothing like her try to see what beautiful things that You have, that you are, are being celebrated there and feel good about it.
Or, just cancel cable, ignore most media and live in a cave live me, that way the only thighs you have to look closely at daily are your own, and when there is only one of something it’s obviously the best!